No Other Way

A song came on at Cafe Dulcé tonight & it immediately took me back to an exact moment in 2005 when I was 17 young, wild & carefree. What flooded in my mind for those few, slow & good minutes made me zone out & backtrack to that night–

Black Honda Element
710 South freeway
Early April
Minutes past midnight
Windows down all around
Me, myself & I.

Thinking back, it is all but a mysterious memory that lasted for the night. No one was aware of it then, and no one around to give account of it now. My life has always been so obscure, to myself more than anyone else. Or maybe it just tends to present itself to have been cooler than it actually ever was.

Music can do that to you.
Here is to my ongoing soundtrack of my ever-so-cool life.

Crossroads

Forefront of my life–
a hazy glaze of the past 
and its time ahead

Limitations of the now
though much to aspire,
yet what cannot be withheld
are the remains of my desire

Chances & choices
extending beyond a reach,
that longs for settlement
of a faith that seeks

To whom it may concern?
                  the effect of my deeds,
          those incessant needs,
  where this step leads

The havoc of silence
that mouths direction;
branching into the woven roots
that swallow in depth, my convictions

–a fine line that separates the peace of settling to the dangers of sinking;

Stand firm and set forth
This dusk promises for new hope.

Battle Studies

"The land of the free, and the home of the brave.."
(Last photo I took on Afghan soil)

With Kabul & the Afghan Parliament under attack by the Taliban yesterday, I could not really put a grasp around the idea that  I was supposed to be there right now. My room in Kabul shared walls with the Afghan police post that guarded the Parliament building, just 20 steps away. I sit here, in safety, writing this post and praying for the brave souls who remain there. 

But then I think of my flesh and its natural desires that wanted to be in the rubbles of such disaster and how God allowed me to flee from all of that. Leaving Afghanistan was the hardest decision I ever made, not because I was called to stay there, but because I fought against every dust of my pride that longed to remain in a safety zone for wallowing pity.

I find that such bravery came in disguise, as He delivered me from an inner place far more dangerous than that of lockdowns & Taliban– my heart. I praise Him because I am not there anymore.

"...for when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

Buen Friday

Ready to take on this last day, in remembrance of the ultimate sacrifice that paid for my all.
In reflection of the past 40-some days of lent, a poem.
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My thirst, unquenchable by the world
No single thing that can capture my all
The dry hours in my stillness,
reminding me of my failing attempts to satisfy the soul


This cry in my thirst,
triggered by my inability to replenish the self
At the marks of my belief,
I come bare with all my darkness exposed
For in that place, the longings of my parched soul are met;
in that moment, this self is held in secured captivity


Loss for words, in my blinded sight of Your grace
Weakened knees folded in my surrender
This pursuit of love you display,
silencing me in awe, 
unashamed in my brokenness


What I confess may fleet in the eyes of men
but in Your sight, take account Lord
May my obedience not be temporal
Make this transformation settle into stone
Take this thirsty heart, in its entirety
for I know you satisfy in whole.