Modern Day's Stone Age Bath

I will be doing a series of posts on my every day activities.

First off, I live in a house with running water and electricity. So for those of you who always ask me if I am going to be living in the dark with pails of water, that is false. Kabul is very much modernized in technological ways, yet the streets remind me of some decades ago in the middle of Korea or something.

I live on the 2nd floor of my house in a small corner bedroom that I have made quaint and as home-y as possible in the past week. My house is also the office/headquarters so during the day, there are many people in & out, using the other half of the area for work.

I will post photos of my living quarters in a future post. For now, I want to share to you the most important room in the house besides my bedroom- the bathroom. The water is very weak and has barely any pressure so to make my shower, time/water-efficient, I run hot water into buckets... it takes about 20 minutes for me to fill up 3 buckets and then another 20 minutes to get my ish done.

My bathroom basket 

The long process of water storage

(Note: I manage to squeeze into the tub along with them. Quite crowded.)

Our precious, precious water heater

My pink everything toilet to everything bathroom
(If you know me, pink is my least favorite color.)

Our washer & non-functional dryer, also sharing space in bathroom

There you go; a glimpse into my daily trips to my bathroom. Next entry, I will post photos from my trip to the mechanic body shop. :) 

Khodahafez..! (Dari 101: Good bye)

How to: Eat a Mango, Afghan-style

I came just a week after mango season had started in Afg. If I remember anything from my last trip to this country in 2007, I remembered how amazing the mangos were with the juicy fruit meat.. mmmmm sweeter than the ones I eat in the States.

After every lunch & dinner, we eat a mango, and will be doing so for the next couple months until cantaloupe season starts. I have zero complaints because I love fruits, especially mangos. Yumz.

Here is a tutorial on how to eat one, if you ever are in Afg and want to look like a native:

This what a mango looks like in Afg, usually imported from Pakistan. 

You cut a circumference around the center.
(Notice the spillage of the mango blood, mm)

You then twist the mango and separate the two halves.
You can give one half to another friend.

You use a spoon to scrape out all the mango meat, cleeean.

I like sharing, usually. But it was too good.......

Interesting, right? Sometimes, the natives just massage the mango for a long period of time, poke a hole & drink the mango like a juice. I must try that in the next couple months...

Stefghanistan: And so it begins...

Here I am, in Kbl, sitting in my little room that I spent all last night moving into.
When I first came inside, there was only a sheetless mattress on a frame, but throughout the day, the NEI Afghan staff guys brought in a closet, a desk & a vanity set. I have to say, this is more than what I had at my own house back in LC... so guess who came up in Afg? Yes, me. Thank you very much. Tashakur. (Dari vocab 101: thank you)

After what seemed like a million hours of traveling from LAX to Dubai to Kbl.... I spent my first full day in Afg yesterday and my thoughts ran from a gamut of, "This is pretty cool" to "One year, eh? Easy peasy........." to "omg, am I really in AFG right now!?!? WTH"... It is hard to say how I really feel still. Perhaps I need to give myself a few days to adjust my mental/physical/emotional/spiritual state, all in all.. so please refrain from asking, "How is it?? What is it like?? How do you feel???" Because honestly, my answers will not be very true-to-tell.

One thing I can say is that, in the midst of my 24+ hours of traveling, God was so sparingly gracious with the whole process. With my sister, who barely made it to LAX before my gate boarding time closed (heart attack moment!), I managed fine, even in my tears, onto my 16 hour flight on Emirates Airline, which was one of the best experiences I had on any flight. I felt like I was in comatose for the majority of the plane ride, somehow forcing down some Ginger Ale (my fave airplane drink) and grilled okra to sustain my self, with No Strings Attached and Life As We Know It playing on repeat so that I could catch a scene or two every waking moment. Once I got to Dubai, my bags came out extra quick, found the Holiday Inn shuttle extra quick, got to my hotel extra quick... and spent the entire day, just laying in bed and restoring myself from the entirety of this new journey (?).

The next morning, I got schooled by the Holiday Inn taxi guy, who was so friendly and inviting... but only he then charged me 45 AED for my ride from the hotel to Terminal 2. I asked how much that was in USD and he replied, "Ehhh around $20". I gave him $21 for the entertaining & informational carride, only to realize when I was paying for my 45 AED meal at the airport, that it converted to only 12 USD. Fuuuudge. He was so cool about jacking my money. Oh wells, I did not let it phaze me. I forgot all about it when the TV started playing K-pop music videos. I sat down and the channel said, "Korean stars? Don't we all love them...?" For the 30 minutes I was seated, the VJs introduced everything from Big Bang to 2ne1 to CNBlue and other Korean groups I never heard of. How funny is that? In Dubai, of all places. lol, even that I believe that it was MEANT for me. Thanks, G.

G-Dragon with eyeliner never looked better

Anyway, back to how God was so loving to this on-route lost child to Afg... my luggage exceeded the weight limit by 7 kg, but there was a huge party of Arab men in the next booth who were trying to take 4 huge boxes of goods to Kbl by buying extra seats on the airplane... I think they made my situation look more trivial. So then he upgraded my seat to First Class as well. Doooope. I was the only female in the 12 seats of first class and felt a bit intimidated. But all the men were friendly and helped me put my luggage in the overhead compartment.

First Class on Ariana is like a Southwest seat

Lastly, I got to Kbl and the airport was IN-SANE. It was definitely way more developed from how I remembered it to be 4 years ago. But the number of people bustling around was immeasurable! I was overwhelmed, but luckily my luggage came out extra quick (again!) and a friendly Afg men tried to help me find one of the guys going around in the cart, who waited around to gather people's luggage, hoping to make an extra buck. I managed to carry my 2 check-in baggage, which weighed 100 pounds together, my carry-on duffle, which weighed another 20 pounds, and my Northface backpack ALL together, out to the security check point. I srsly have so much man-strength. It scares me.

Here I am, again.

I came out of the airport 2 hours after my estimated arrival time and started freaking out because the airport had developed so much that I could not recognize anything. I was not sure where to go and/or where Glenn & Mr/Mrs Pae would be waiting for me. A cart man helped me with my luggage in the final long walk to the entrance, where I saw a million faces peering over to see who was coming out. As soon as I walked out, I noticed Glenn, in his black Ray Ban-ish glasses scarfed mouth. Hallelujahhhhhhh!

Everything went smoothly, even in the midst of the craziness of all the traveling. I am sure it was His angels guiding every situation as all your prayers were with me. Seriously. It could have turned out quite disastrous, but I cannot say anything was sub-par from my given circumstances.

That is it for now. Not sure if anyone would be interested in my travel stories.... I promise the content will get more entertaining & Kbul-esque. For now, please keep me in your prayers; that I would come to terms with my next year here and find joy in all of this. It seems hard to imagine myself falling in love with my circumstance (being completely honest), but I remain open-hearted & open-minded to what is in store here in Kbul.

Tashakur for now.

ggpwn3d #11- Conditions of Love

Love.

It has been an endless season of learning about this so-called love.
Even after years of it, it still seems to be the one concept that is so hard to grasp; the idea of love in its fullness, from God to myself to others.

We just finished a 5-week Spiritual Gifts small group series with Hillside last week. During the first week, we read through different passages in the bible where it spoke about these spiritual gifts that we attain once we are in the body of Christ. One of them was from 1 Corinthians 13; yes, the passage about 'love' that everyone always quotes, "love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast..." Tis the classic wedding verse or the go-to passage whenever we try to encourage how to love others in a godly manner. What was different this time around was that we read it in context from verse 1 to 3.

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." 

Without love in my heart/mind/actions, I am unable to give anything, be anything or gain anything. The gifts that we have and the people that are placed in our lives are not in vain. Within the present kingdom, we have the burden and responsibility to act out in love, or our lives would be meaningless.


On a slightly different note and back to the title of this post, I have been seeing the varied kinds of love that exist in my life. The 3 Conditions of Love: 1) unconditional, 2) conditional, 3) conditioned

The idea of unconditional love has seemingly become more of a mystery to me in the past months. Perhaps because I find how conditional and fickle the human flesh tends to be? I find that my love for myself and others falls short because of my pride/selfishness and just the sinfulness of my flesh. And then there is the conditioned act of love, where you live life thinking you love someone, which (could have) existed earlier in the days before, but along the way, the love just becomes a habitual act. This one scares me because sometimes you can not see that the love you give/receive might not be an active, present love. We get so blinded by the circumstances or the high's and low's of it all, that the presence of love disappears.

Simply put, it is impossible to always wholeheartedly love someone. So to imagine a God who loves me unconditionally kind of boggles my mind. It is hard to truly understand this love, but I read in Isaiah this afternoon where God reminded me: "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:9) I will never be able to understand the fullness of His ways. Tis the faith that comes into play...

"For the LORD's portion is his people... In a desert land he [finds me], in a barren and howling waste. He [shields me] and [cares for me]; he [guards me] as the apple of his eye, like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions. The LORD alone [leads me]; no foreign god [is with me]." Deuteronomy 32:9-12

I read that this morning and got so owned. Before I seek him, he desires after me. I am HIS portion and He alone walks my way and guards my path. (?!) You are good, when there is nothing good in me.

Man, I really will never be able to grasp the ways of the Lord...
I want to love you so.

ggpwn3d #10- Omniscient is He

Hm,

not sure how to explain this vague thought.

During Hillside worship's response song/prayer time, Pastor Sam opens up the altar for those who are in need/want of prayer by him and Pastor Joey (our Hispanic pastor of King's Table). Being overly burdened these days from my sinful self, I forced myself up there and stayed crouched over for the whole song.

In my muddled thoughts, I managed to get in a few words of genuine plea to God. But I knew I was holding back. There was an impasse in my heart & my mind that was clearly redirecting my inmost desires; kinda like indigestion, but not. 

So there I was— on the floor, seeking internally, but struggling externally. Oh, the flesh.

As the song ended, Pastor Sam was in his benediction prayer when Pastor Joey put his hand upon my head and started praying for me. I will not repeat his prayer, but some key words he said were: memories, healing, battle.

I was blown- literally floored to the ground because his prayer was exactly the cry of my heart. How did he know? Srsly, it was quite a 'wtf' moment. (ughs + sighahh, in one) But really, this past week, I was brought back to something that I brushed under the rug very many years ago. Something that I never fully healed from, but forced myself to live past because He restores me, right? Something that I had never shared with a single soul except God. But when Pastor Joey prayed over me, God gave him those exact words because He knew that I was not able to say them from my own mouth. 

It broke me entirely because that is who God is. He knows my heart, my every thought, my deepest wants. It humbles me that even in my sinfulness, He still loves me so. He still wants my all; the all that I fail to give him. Yet he still pursues after me......... 

White flag,
I surrender.

Before a word is on my tongue
 you, LORD, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain...

Psalm 139:4-6

ggpwn3d #9- Failing Flesh

A couple years ago, Pastor Paul gave his first sermon for our ikcm. It was my junior year in college, which marks the year where God started really moving in my heart. The sermon was about Psalm 73, where Asaph complains to God about how all the non-believers in the world live a luxurious life with no worries and such. You know, the same things we always grunt about to God, being the annoying, ungrateful beings that we are; or that I am, sorry.

Anyway, he comes in full circle and repents by saying, "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:25-26)

That stuck with me ever since that day and I would meditate on that every single day. I wrote it on all my books, journal, planner, etc to remind myself that it is indeed the Lord who remains in me that gives me life.

I even got it tattoo-ed on my wrist last year. When I was away in Spain for my 4+ month-long date with God, he gave me the design for the tattoo. Twas cool. I really like my tattoo.

Besides the point. So knowing that this symbol on my wrist means exactly that--"..but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."... it has been owning me up every single day, especially this new year. You see, something that I realized about myself is that there is nothing good in me. 0%.

Here is how the verse should actually start: My flesh and my heart may fail...

I fail. even when my intentions are right... even when I repent before Him, asking him to free me from my self and to make me seek righteousness... even when I wake up to new mercies... even when I sighahh after getting owned from the Word... I fail.

My flesh is not able to produce anything good. With that, I find myself curling up inside and internally dying before God. He makes all things good. He makes me good. He makes me good. Why? (asking God, not my readers) It brings me to my knees. The amazing thing about grace is that there is more of it for me. The more of a sinner I am, the more grace I am given. Jesus came to heal the sick, not the righteous. I am sick. I am in need of His endless grace.

It is truly overwhelming. His grace. His desire for me.

A Word

Waking up each morning to a new day of mercies,

sighahh

Being hungry and getting fed daily,

sighahh

Pounding my fist yet His warm embrace,

sighahh

Questions and doubts– all timely managed,

sighahh

(Shout out to gnomie; non-cryptic)

sighahh

Nothing good in me, but defeated by an amazing grace,

sighahh.

None Sense

What days are worth when you know of their end; 

Can the absence of.. 

of ?–  be an act of –?

For what, do you see life today

or how about tomorrow-

will it be one of its own?

Where in my heart

does it reside; the existence of

my being.

Oh

there I see.

with whom would you spend it

and how will those be spent?