Que Será, Será

2012, really? Just like that?

I swear I thought my Blogspot negligence was only a few weeks... or a couple months at most. The weird thing is, I came to this blog about two dozen times now since November, wanting to write about something, everything & anything. But every time, there was some sort of unsettlement in my thoughts & my words that would make the red X on my screen look so creepily inviting. I really wanted to recap 2011 before the new year rang in............. but oh well, so much for that.

But yes, 2011. What. A. Year.

In order to prevent myself from writing a 200-page satirical novel about my never-ending year, I will exert my thoughts into a form of poetry, called flow-etry. Whatever comes, I will write. I assure you that it will not make sense, nor will it be profound, let alone be entertaining. But really, here is to a God who endlessly pursues after my wandering heart. Every today is Your's.

___________________________________________________________________
In a Nutshell
by Your's Truly

January, Refresh & Repeats–
An afterthought of a momentous year;
        España, a romantical getaway with God
        New York City, a new light of determination
But revert back to square one to start it all off
on the wrong foot of such things as my failing flesh.

Month of de-romance
marking an end of an era
where a four-month separation with one
that shaped my adolescent heart,
came to its final halt, with no direction for where credit was due;
yet came settling in His sovereign grace & peace.

Decisions made, preparations ongoing, Afghanistan ahead.
                            days, weeks, months;
spent, or rather unspent onward His direction.

Digressing in myself, 
         so deeply 
                          s
                            in
                               king 
                               into the c  r ac   ks 
                               of the self-made.

The territory of terror
not nearly as dangerous than 
that of one's heart that cheapens His grace;
a place where those who hunger & thirst
are waiting upon the living Bread of Life.

Shootings, bombings, attacks
                    ...steps away from my hiding spot.

Meanwhile, celebrating my 24th, bedridden at the E.R.
Yet what trapped me more than the surrounding walls of barricade and illness
was the pit of my relentless heartache,
holding onto the end of my wholly commitment,
unwilling to surrender my fixed pride & pain.

My home of 80-so days described in 20 words or less:
Bare-riers of solitude, 
             captivated by His endless desire for my all, 
                                     pouring my weaknesses unto Him.

Reverse culture shock to Seoul–
Late night strolls by the river
State-of-the-art hospital beds
Overwhelming amounts of life
Piecing together myself
             in the company of
             a handful of greats.

                                                                    Going, going 
                                     Back, back

California Soul.
Searching peace.
Maker of Heaven.

Have.
Found.
Praise.

Where to conclude this story?
                                                 Hey look, it never began nor did it end there.

History, His story for me.
It keeps going.
He keeps yearning.
His grace keeps saving.

Not anyone nor anything, more than Him.
In any case, take it all away.
Whatever captures my heart more than You, release me.
Whatever makes me fall deeper into You, bless me.

A
firm foundation,
certain clarity,
true transformation;
                                 a year of settling.


Onward, 2012.