A Word

Waking up each morning to a new day of mercies,

sighahh

Being hungry and getting fed daily,

sighahh

Pounding my fist yet His warm embrace,

sighahh

Questions and doubts– all timely managed,

sighahh

(Shout out to gnomie; non-cryptic)

sighahh

Nothing good in me, but defeated by an amazing grace,

sighahh.

None Sense

What days are worth when you know of their end; 

Can the absence of.. 

of ?–  be an act of –?

For what, do you see life today

or how about tomorrow-

will it be one of its own?

Where in my heart

does it reside; the existence of

my being.

Oh

there I see.

with whom would you spend it

and how will those be spent?

Haiku #3- Going, Gone

I think I will go-

to the land in need of love;

but where is my own?

Haiku #2- Mary Joseph Christ Mas

Today is the day

that I should never forget

because he was born.

ggpwn3d #8- Who I Am

My mental, physical & emotional state has been dwindling to the edge of its peak this past month.
I think I am at the brink of falling off, rolling down & forever ending up in the pitfall of my self destruction.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I have no control over my whole self.
I cry, inside-out.

God showed me how to be...  just to be, simple as that.
But I feel like I have been getting pushed closer & closer to the tip, unwillingly.
Now, my self (자신) looks like a cracked mirror, and I look ugly.

Forgiven so that I can forgive.
My self and those around me.


Anthem of My Self-

Here I am humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

ggpwn3d #7- Then, Now & Forevermore

I looked at me-self in the mirror tonight and said:

 What is going on?

                                Gruesome monster                                                                               

                                   of a cold sore on ze mouth,                                                                     

                                             colorfully-bruised arms

                                                   from failed true blood tests,

 creepily

growing

 eczema

below 

neck,

and oh-                                           

 refilled bottles of curing pills for

GERD & ulcer; best of friends .

But He said to me:                                                             

Estefania Belen Cho

Do my words mean nothing

to you?

Have I not expressed enough of my love

to you?

When will you see that I always know what is best

for you?

Did you not confess that I am the strength of your heart & your portion

forever?

My beautiful, precious gem -

I AM WHO I AM .

Haiku #1- Cold Soaring

Body keeps breaking;



from whom does my help come from-

help make me trust in You.

ggpwn3d #6- Surrender

A few nights ago, I visited Irvine to see my beauti-fol. daughters (f.o.l. = small group, which needs to be a post of its own). After KCM, we had a sleep(fol)-ver and stayed up talking and laughing throughout the night. I had a long and good talk with one of my girls, as she opened up about her past 3+ years at UCI and her faith. It was a really good, refreshing hour of deep emotions and our struggles.

Earlier that day, I met up with Saehoon for coffee and we were reflecting on our gnomie-ship.. how God brought us together with the same conviction of being Hungry for Daily Bread, our Facebook bible-reading accountability group.

Those two conversations tied in together that night when my sg girl and I reflected on how our relationship with God should be.. the reason why we ask God for our daily bread, when he is a God who can give us in abundance if he wanted.. why we must live our life day by day, with new mercies that wash our filthy sins.. why we must surrender every morning we wake up, knowing that we will not be able to fulfill anything by our own strength because that is how He has made us.

Sighahh, thanks God for doing it to me every time. White flag, I surrender my all, to you.