Alive & Well

As you may or may not know, I am abroad in Valencia, Spain. It has been almost 2 weeks now (dang!) and I am about 75% adjusted to my temporary, but of very importance, life here. A few more weeks of walking around town and becoming a "local" española" and I will be set..!


Anyway, after dinner tonight, I was organizing my desk and looking for my QT journal through my luggage. Too many books and journals that I brought and finally, the last place I checked, I found it. The (better &) more interesting thing that I found through my search was my not-too-dramatic will that we had written before our Nicaragua trip during intensive training week. Now, how these 3 pages of paper made its way all the way across the globe to Spain with me, I have no clue...


But that is the funny thing about God.. He WOULD slip it in with the pile of junk I brought along here and have me find it the day I was looking for HIM. You see, ever since I came to Spain, my focus of becoming the light in the dark found its way to the back of my mind/heart. In less than two weeks, I was just another lost foreigner here. After having my "date night" with Him (habit learned from S<3), I decided to read my will...


I am not going to share what I wrote to the selected individuals since it is so over-the-top and A-list Hollywood (-_-), but I will share my "opening declaration" because I think it is something that I need to confess as a reminder to myself.. that this person in me is real and alive by grace!

 July 2, 2009

For whoever reads this:

 I, Estefania Belen Cho, lived a life of failures and sin. Even after I received Christ, I crucified Him countless times without any ounce of guilt in my heart. I would list the crucial moments, but I guess it does not matter at this point. All I can say in this very moment is that I, a hopeless sinner, am loved by my father in Heaven and with confidence, I will be going to my eternal home. I always had a fear of death, but there is much joy in my heart. Consider it a mere commencement and I am entering the forever. I really am most satisfied in Him.

 Can I share that I said the words "I LOVE YOU" to God for the very first time back in April..? Not through a song or in my mind or in my journal, but I said those three simple words that I have been struggling to say my whole life. It was the most liberating feeling I have ever had. In just the past few months, God gave me a crash course on love. It involved so many aspects of my life.. family, relationship, small group, friends, strangers, "enemies".. Something that was a struggle for me was coming so easily into my heart and changing the way I viewed everything. Because I loved God, I was finally able to love myself.. and from there, love His people.

 In the end, all I can say is that I, Estefania Belen Cho, died a lover of God. Really. I love you, God--

".. my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water... because your love is better than life, my lips with glorify you." Psalm 63:1,3

 Signed, Estefania Belen Cho 

There it is...! I remember when we were told to write this, my mind went blank for a good half hour before I started writing. I thought it was lame, but I am glad that KCM made us do this. Just looking back to it, it restores me. I have not forgotten this person in me!

Please pray for me, for anyone who comes across this entry. Considering I only have 10 followers, I know that will limit the numbers a bit.. HAHA.. but I know that God will see your prayerful hearts! (Cadengo & Saehoon! lol) I wish I could say with confidence that there is a body of believers back at home who are praying for me, but not so sure there is besides my parents.. So it would mean a lot...

Thanks friends! I love you because I love Him! :") 

Confuse Me #1

These "Confuse Me" posts will be things that make me tilt my head and wonder why it exists in such a way...


EDIT: Added a third for the night because Spanish nights are too long for me to sit still

• Why do toilet seat covers have a center piece?  Has anyone else ever been bothered by that? I mean, why would I have to waste paper by ripping out the center flap that has no purpose. If I use the toilet without doing so, I get grossed out thinking about what my bottom will come in contact with. Save paper, save time, donut hole all covers!

                                          Ah, much better!

• Why is there an NBA team in Canada? Okay, honestly.. Make your own league! I looked it up and found that Canada had their own National Basketball League that only ran for a year and a half. Thereafter, the NBA tried to expand to Canada with the Grizzlies and Raptors. What kind of huge country like Canada cannot run their own basketball league?! That is very sad. It just bothers me...  I feel like I have something against their fans too... because they are Canadian, right? They probably pay less for their tickets, get to enjoy an awesome league in the comforts of their own country with better healthcare and no economic recession! They do not even cheer well. Blame Canada.

• National Rallying for Team Coco- I love the guy and think NBC made a regretful decision to lose Conan and a part of American history, but people camping out and holding rallies? I guess it would mean a lot to NBC and Conan, himself, but you look at the world in a larger perspective and see Haitians fighting each other for survival packages.. people fighting to live.. All those who are camping out for Team Coco should be more mindful and direct their efforts on a larger cause.

Not enough to go around...

As I am now residing in Spain for the next few months, I have been re-adjusting my life and finding myself at a fork. I realized that my heart wants to be at so many places at once. Here, LA, New York, Nicaragua... and now, Haiti... Home is where my heart is... and that leaves me at a bit of unrest for the moment.

Get off yourself..! 

The Person of Estefania vs. Google, INC

So I took a short hiatus from blogger because I was having some trouble with the website.. and could not find a way to fix it..

Google is, by far, my favorite web search engine, email, etc etc etc., but I found one slight malfunction. Well, it is not necessarily a malfunction, but a very huge flaw. There is no direct contact with this giant being. I wanted answers to my blogspot questions, but there is no one I can email/call for help. Any issue that you may have, Google will lead you to other blogs that they have created for users who need help. More blogs to cure the problems of the one I already have...! It was a very frustrating point in my life. I felt like there was no one to turn to because Will Choi just laughed at me...

All I needed was my "Post Title" back on my layout, but after switching around between layouts, it somehow disappeared. This bothered me so much. I had the first few posts that had titles and then the recent ones were without, which messed up the Archive with my post titles. The aesthetics... It is always about the aesthetics for me... If it looks off, then everything is off!

That was my grand amorestef.blogspot vs. Google ordeal. I have been wanting to make new posts, but my heart would cringe at the thought of the missing titles.. (They make a huge difference). Since I came to Spain, (yes, I am here) I have all the more reason to update my blog. Due to this dilemma, I had decided to create a wordpress.com account. I just did, and I was about to export my blogspot entries to that one... and just as I was about to... I FIXED IT.

I no longer have an issue with posting titles. I am my own Google plumber and did myself the dirty work. Therefore, Google, I will continue to pursue my blogging career through you... but remember, in a mouse click, I will be forever sold to wordpress.com. So, be nice!

I am back, everyone.

Heaven via Pandora

EDIT (1/31/10):
Just watched a John Piper sermon from Jan 10, 2010 in Minneapolis, titled "Holding Fast to the World of Life in 2010" and towards the end of the video, he goes through one of his repeated rantings (lol, love them). The last thing he says, which was not part of his manuscript, was "Avatar is boring!" It reminded me of myself and I got ggpwn3d. Nothing more satisfying than the truth!
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I just got home from watching Avatar in IMAX 3D... It was breath taking! The whole story was predictable since I went in knowing it would be the traditional "white man saves all" (i.e. Dances with Wolves, The Last Samurai).. but James Cameron really took it to the next level. I walked out with googly eyes that did not want to step out (or back) into reality. Hahaha..

Anyway, that is the besides the point.. So after the movie, I come home and I am chatting with one of my Nica teammates, Elisa. She has not watched the movie yet, but she was sharing my excitement with me. lol. I tell her how amazing it was and how beautiful the world of Pandora was.. Her response is what put me in awe and left me in thought.

elisa: awwwwwasfjksf

elisa: omg

elisa: can you imagine

elisa: heaven is like a billion times that

elisa: cant wait to die lol

Yes! Heaven awaits... I was having post-Avatar syndromes, but I realized that the world of Pandora is just a damn good illusion, courtesy of James Cameron. The real Pandora of true beauty will come in time. Heaven, cannot wait to be there......