Alive & Well

As you may or may not know, I am abroad in Valencia, Spain. It has been almost 2 weeks now (dang!) and I am about 75% adjusted to my temporary, but of very importance, life here. A few more weeks of walking around town and becoming a "local" española" and I will be set..!


Anyway, after dinner tonight, I was organizing my desk and looking for my QT journal through my luggage. Too many books and journals that I brought and finally, the last place I checked, I found it. The (better &) more interesting thing that I found through my search was my not-too-dramatic will that we had written before our Nicaragua trip during intensive training week. Now, how these 3 pages of paper made its way all the way across the globe to Spain with me, I have no clue...


But that is the funny thing about God.. He WOULD slip it in with the pile of junk I brought along here and have me find it the day I was looking for HIM. You see, ever since I came to Spain, my focus of becoming the light in the dark found its way to the back of my mind/heart. In less than two weeks, I was just another lost foreigner here. After having my "date night" with Him (habit learned from S<3), I decided to read my will...


I am not going to share what I wrote to the selected individuals since it is so over-the-top and A-list Hollywood (-_-), but I will share my "opening declaration" because I think it is something that I need to confess as a reminder to myself.. that this person in me is real and alive by grace!

 July 2, 2009

For whoever reads this:

 I, Estefania Belen Cho, lived a life of failures and sin. Even after I received Christ, I crucified Him countless times without any ounce of guilt in my heart. I would list the crucial moments, but I guess it does not matter at this point. All I can say in this very moment is that I, a hopeless sinner, am loved by my father in Heaven and with confidence, I will be going to my eternal home. I always had a fear of death, but there is much joy in my heart. Consider it a mere commencement and I am entering the forever. I really am most satisfied in Him.

 Can I share that I said the words "I LOVE YOU" to God for the very first time back in April..? Not through a song or in my mind or in my journal, but I said those three simple words that I have been struggling to say my whole life. It was the most liberating feeling I have ever had. In just the past few months, God gave me a crash course on love. It involved so many aspects of my life.. family, relationship, small group, friends, strangers, "enemies".. Something that was a struggle for me was coming so easily into my heart and changing the way I viewed everything. Because I loved God, I was finally able to love myself.. and from there, love His people.

 In the end, all I can say is that I, Estefania Belen Cho, died a lover of God. Really. I love you, God--

".. my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water... because your love is better than life, my lips with glorify you." Psalm 63:1,3

 Signed, Estefania Belen Cho 

There it is...! I remember when we were told to write this, my mind went blank for a good half hour before I started writing. I thought it was lame, but I am glad that KCM made us do this. Just looking back to it, it restores me. I have not forgotten this person in me!

Please pray for me, for anyone who comes across this entry. Considering I only have 10 followers, I know that will limit the numbers a bit.. HAHA.. but I know that God will see your prayerful hearts! (Cadengo & Saehoon! lol) I wish I could say with confidence that there is a body of believers back at home who are praying for me, but not so sure there is besides my parents.. So it would mean a lot...

Thanks friends! I love you because I love Him! :")